
5 years back, in 2007, I shifted to Gurgaon. One of the biggest reasons was to get away from the claustrophobic social compression that I was facing in Chennai. I know too many people there, I had a rough breakup and I wanted to seek greener pastures in finance and opportunity.
I did some research on where I wanted to go and it was to be back in the North. Mostly because it was harder to access for most people and also because there were very interesting developments in the place I decided to look into. That place was Gurgaon tucked in the middle of Haryana, India.
The reason I chose that place was seclusion and the betterment of my self. Perfect candidate for a Self Help dose therapy. I started reading tons of Seth Godin, Steve Pavlina, Zen Habits and books like Allen’s GTD etc. I wasn’t insecure, but I was in need of direction and help. I read Brian Tracy’s eat the frog (the best among the lot) and wrote down tons and tons of notes on productivity, eliminating distraction and the hoopla.
Turns out that I was doing less and reading more. No guesses on how productive I was then. I didn’t realise it then but overall I have come to realise the following about Self Help.
You don’t need it. Most authors that put forward the knowledge do the following
1) Rehash popular content that is rehashed from common sense.
2) Talk about what worked for them.
The problem, and danger with point 2, is that you are unique. You don’t have the same environment or motivations that the author had, so his advice makes for good reading, it’s not necessary it’ll save you or even help you. Take inspiration, not direction or focus from them.
So what did I do and what worked for me? I started with throwing all of the books out. I learned to develop my own system. I took inspiration from ways others did things and tried to incorporate that into my routine if it was helpful. I stopped following the hoopla and praising the second coming of Jesus in productivity too.
I thought I was the only one who thought this way during the immense asskissing everyone was doing and it was nice to see 2 others that thought the same.
Here’s Jeff Atwood’s take.
Reading self-help advice from other people, however well-intentioned, is no substitute for getting your own damn work done. The sooner you come to terms with this, the better off you’ll be.
Get out there and do stuff because you fundamentally enjoy it and because it makes you better. As a writer, as an analyst, as a techie, whatever. Learn to love practicing the fundamentals and do it better each time. Over time, quality does lead to success, but you have to be patient. Really patient. Turns out, “overnight” success takes years. Maybe even decades. This is not a sprint, it’s a marathon. Plan accordingly.
Here’s the awesome Derek Siver’s take on this.
I like being reminded that nobody’s going to help me - that it’s all up to me. Itputs my focus back on the things I can control - not waiting for outside circumstances.
The hardest truth, one that I was told by my mentors then was this, “Only you know”. What does that mean? Aren’t you asking in the first place? How can you know when you don’t really know.
The answer is a hard one, it could be summed up in one word: Intuition. You have to learn to trust yourself, better yourself and work with yourself more. Sometimes you know when things are right or when there’s a very strong appeal to something. You learn to trust it and go with that path. It is very hard, I hated getting answer, but I have come to realise it’s because I was looking for the easy way out. I wanted someone to tell me, I didn’t want to listen and put in the effort to find out myself.
Listen to your being. Put in the effort but remember, this worked for me. It doesn’t have to for you, but it’s important to listen more, talk less and start doing the things you love. So what are you getting started on?